My Experiments with Depression

I am very happy today,as my Kindle got delivered home .As soon as I came home,I unwrapped the package and set up the device.On a normal day, if you ask me, I will usually throw my bag on the sofa and switch on the TV and then mindlessly start switching channels on the TV. And after a while I keep my milk to boil with the tea leaves, meanwhile I quickly freshen up myself and enjoy myself a cup of tea.I preferably watch animal channels. I usually derive a strange sense of calmness watching the wildlife. Anyway evening routine details,story for some other day.So after doing the initial settings, I  quickly bought a book, whose author I follow a lot and started reading. After a while, it started raining ,i just love the weather, when these night flowers bloom, with gentle breeze, coming to your front porch along with the fragrance of these flowers.I made myself hot  sandwiches and a hot cup of tea.such a lovely evening it was.I am sure you will envy my evening.
-CG

As much as you hate working out, I too used to run miles away from workout, until that one day.
We know anybody suffering with depression find it harder to even getup from bed and do their normal chores. So if you ask them to go and work out. Not only you are making a futile effort but also you will hear from them on what exactly depression does to them and how is stopping them to function normally.I myself have given a dose to my close circle, when asked to step out and do something fun. So ,how I overcame and actually started working out.Hmm, one day, while I was in my office, trying to pretend to everyone around me how engrossed in my work.. But in my mind, I was having million thoughts. Not just thoughts but they were more like negative automatic thoughts, which you have no control over. A little disagreement from your co worker can shake you and feel so low and vulnerable. Anyway, coming to the point, that fateful day, while I was trying to send my status report to my manger,i st…

Scheduling your day can reduce the overhead drastically."An idle mind is devil's workshop"It's one of the age old saying which holds true even these days.
As soon as I get up, I usually plan my day in a journal. So, basically you have a plan to survive the day. I know most of the time it's not easy to simply follow, because in depression, we can't even get up from bed. Trust me, I have been there. I haven't had bath for 10 days continuously or still worse, hasn't left home for a month. That severe, my depression was.
If your depression is worse as mine, first thing take the help of your psychiatrist. But along with the medication, voluntarily try some self help steps because medication can't help you like long. Once your body gets accustomed to sedatives, you would want to push yourself to higher dose and so on and so on.....CG

And i started practicing Yoga

Yoga has benefited me in a lot of ways.I can quickly state the changes ,i can see in myself,after doing yoga for some 6 months.Let me remind you, that i do only 20 minutes of Yoga with no physical exercise.

I don't yell at anyone so easily.If you would had met me some years ago,simplest of things had the power to control me.Now,its changed.In what way,I don't know.You start to experience the truth.
And begin to accept the reality.May be Yoga realigns your Life energies .

Sometimes,when i was so down,I used to sit meditate for straight 1 hour .After 1 hour,the pain subsides a bit.I am not promising things will be easy.But Yoga is worth the try.

Why i went to Yoga.Because I no longer wanted to survive on anti depressants.

--CG

Past few weeks have been very tough for me,personally.
I have put on weight a lot.Plus have a lot of complications ,due to being overweight.
And that too worst complications.Shortness of Breath and palpitations due to anti depressants and PCOS.

Man,i was never like this before.I was so full of life and energy.I used to do many stuffs .I was so full of love and still feel i am.But i am always being misunderstood.Sometimes,i keep wondering,i have so much love to give to the world and there's no one to receive it.

The worst time was,when i was so sick and feverish and i couldn't even be with myself.
Those days were very very hard for me.That day i realized,how much i am petrified to be with myself.

My husband and 1 have seperated,as he couldnt bear being with me.I know,we both were never in good terms. and we both kind of wanted it to happen in the course of time.Guess what,It did happen.

This phase has been a very tough phase to me personally.Yes,i am on the rock bottom of my life.

One thing i want to say my readers is that,never do something because someone said you or someone whom you consider your family said you.Because at moments of distress,nobody will be there for you.These moments of agaony,despair,hopelessness,suffering,isolation,shame,worthlessness...all negative emotions haunt ,destroy you.If you still manage to come strong,on the other side of this drama,Then yes,you are a winner and welcome back to Life..