Its getting tough !

Past few weeks have been very tough for me,personally.
I have put on weight a lot.Plus have a lot of complications ,due to being overweight.
And that too worst complications.Shortness of Breath and palpitations due to anti depressants and PCOS.

Man,i was never like this before.I was so full of life and energy.I used to do many stuffs .I was so full of love and still feel i am.But i am always being misunderstood.Sometimes,i keep wondering,i have so much love to give to the world and there's no one to receive it.

The worst time was,when i was so sick and feverish and i couldn't even be with myself.
Those days were very very hard for me.That day i realized,how much i am petrified to be with myself.

And the misery don't seem to end!

My husband abandoned me.I know,we both were never in good terms. and we both kind of wanted it to happen in the course of time.Guess what,It did happen.
But it wasn't me ,who left.But it was my husband.He just abandoned me.
He dint even check upon me,whether i am alive or dead.
The worst part is, i am still wishing he will come back.and he has blocked me everywhere on social media.On his phone,on watsapp,Gmail,and even Facebook.

I have a question to all those people who leave their spouses in the middle that,if you despise your spouse so much then why not end it by confronting them.
Why are they so afraid to even call or just text and say -'its over' .Move on..

This phase has been a very tough phase to me personally.I will never commit suicide,because i don't want to give up yet on life.Yes,i am on the rock bottom of my life and I don't have a father,who could have actually given me some sound advice.Basically ,i feel a orphan.

One thing i want to say my readers i…

Action 2: Write your wishlist for this year

Come up with a wish list for the year 2018.
Make 11 wishes for each month.Publish here in comments.I will also publish my Bucket list for this year but,not all at once .But i will start publishing,what is my action plan for the month.

So this month,I have a lot of backlogs,which have been pending for over almost a year.
This month,i have to clear one of my certification exam,which is due almost a year.


Action 1 : Make this your homescreen on mobile or your laptop

I came across this looks something like this:

So basically the idea is you,have to write the number of days left for your major event..Lets say, for me it would be years to live.You know in Asian countries ,the average life span is close to 60-70.And in my family,all have close to 65.So with that calculation,i have 35 years left.So lets do the math
35*12*30=12600 days.

So my home screen will have 12600 days,as of today ;).Reminding yourself of the mortality,is one of the best way that,your suffering is only for limited time,or on brighter note,You only have this number of days to rejoice and live.

Life's never easy or it will be,so try changing your approach.

Hope this helps,anyone out there reading.


Ignoring people who care and love for you and letting them down

You know you have to do A,B,C to get X,Y,Z..Its how life works.Its as simple as that. Ofcourse,there are some exceptions.The problem with depression is,you have to push  yourself even to get up from bed,or go to office or go out for lunch .

Last week,one of my friend called me to hangout.I gave some lame excuse.Oh yeah,and today i totally missed out going to the team outing,which was supposedly be fun.and i  always regret that feeling ,having missed something.Its like i have a dual mind,i cant be happy being there or cant be happy being here and i hate this feeling.But still i do.Most of the times,i have isolated myself and still do,from my family and my friends.I know technically its not right way to fight it.But with depression,people always commit this mistake,and they blindly try to prove the self-assumptions they have for their family or people to be  right.But this cant go forever.

Hear me out,You need help .Dont isolate yourself and lock yourself up in your house.Put your shoe…

My Experiments with Clinical Depression!

Hmm..Today while commuting back home from office,i was as always feeling very empty.But today ,it was insanely strained.To you people out there,Let me introduce myself,I am a 30 year old divorced female,living in a developing country.Yeah....what an achievement,right! As i write this, there is a tiny tear trying to fall from my eyes. But me,who was always pretending to be mentally strong, now know,how mentally weak i am.Sigh!!!!

My life was not like this.It was always very well planned out and organised.I was the topper in my schools and colleges.Got even recruited in an elite company.But Life had some other plans for me.
I dont know when or how,i became a victim of depression.But i clearly remember the day,which even when i recollect now,clearly emphasis on my signs of dealing with it.

So let me take you all to that day.Himalayas are majestic beauty and people say nature is the best therapy for mental sickness.I was on a trekking trip to Himalayas and was feeling okayish..
we as a g…